NURSING
MOTHERS, INC.
Sexuality
Factsheet 21
Parents often don't anticipate the profound adjustments a new child requires in their lives. This big change will affect many aspects of your life, including your sex life. Good communication, a sense of humor, and the passage of time will be your best tools in making the transition.
Both you and your partner may have difficulty adjusting to being responsible for a new life. You may find you resent the amount of time this new little bundle requires. You may feel extremely tired, as you have never felt before. It is quite a shock when you discover how easily your baby can take over your life. One good scream, or even just a little noise from a waking baby while you are making love can really put the fire out. These are all natural feeling that many new parents experience.
It is crucial that you talk honestly and openly with your partner about your feelings. It is always a good policy never to bring your frustrations to bed with you. Just as stress can affect your milk supply, it can also affect your sexual desire. Talk, unwind, and relax before making love. Encourage your partner to move slowly.
Even with the best of communication skills, there may be some problems with love-making. Some of these difficulties may be physical, others emotional. Here are some hints to help:
Lack of Desire
· A major problem you will face as a new mother is exhaustion. Your baby is probably getting you up once or twice in the night, if not more often. In time your baby will sleep for longer stretches, your body will recover from the birth, and you will find you have more stamina and energy. Make sure you don't neglect your nutrition during this time.
· Your hormones have undergone massive fluctuations during pregnancy and delivery. This can affect your desire, but will improve with time. While some mothers do not experience loss of desire, others take up to a year to adjust. You may need to put more effort than usual toward cultivating a sexy mood. Some romantic music, candlelight, a "date" with your partner, or a relaxing bath may help.
· You may find that after a day of close physical contact with your baby, you do not want the closeness of your partner. This is normal. Try taking a little time alone to relax and get reacquainted with yourself.
· You may be holding back because you fear another pregnancy. Talk this over with your partner and your doctor. Find a birth control method that will not interfere with your milk supply. You can ovulate before your first period. You cannot always rely on nursing only as an effective form of contraception.
Physical Problems
· After delivery, you will probably experience some discomfort. You may be healing from an episiotomy, or from a cesarean section. Many doctors do not recommend penetration during the first six weeks postpartum. Use different positions to take pressure off tender tissues. You and your partner can find many delightful ways of making love that do not involve penetration and will give you time to heal.
· You may experience vaginal dryness during the period of lactation. Your health caregiver may recommend using an over-the-counter lubricant such as K-Y Jelly. Vaseline is not sterile and it can cause deterioration in some diaphragms and condoms.
Problems Involving Nursing
· Nurse before love-making to satisfy your baby (and hopefully buy you some time), to relieve any fullness, and to avoid unexpected letdown or leaking.
· Normal breast fullness occurs during the first few weeks of nursing. Warm showers, nursing and expressing enough milk to relieve the discomfort can help. Try making love in positions where your partner will not be resting on your breasts. Within time, your milk supply will stabilize and your breasts will feel soft most of the time.
· Experiencing the milk ejection reflex (letdown) is quite common during intercourse. The same hormones involved in orgasm and labor also stimulate the milk flow. This is nothing to worry about. Bring a towel with you to bed and apply gentle pressure to your nipples if you notice leaking. Some men find this exciting and are very relaxed about it. If your partner seems upset, tell him it would not have happened if you had not been enjoying the intimacy.
Sex is a very special experience between a man and a woman. Having a baby can temporarily upset the balance of intimacy, but it needn't ring the death bell. Over time, you and your partner will reacquire more of what you had before the baby. Many couples find things get even better!
Original: Doris Anderson; Revised1/03 Megan Allen
Copyright on the Internet 1999, NMInc.
Nursing Mothers, Inc. is a
non-profit organization. Although we never charge for our
services, we would gladly accept your tax-deductible donations.
Back to Factsheet List